I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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