how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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