I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
