What did we do last night that was yellow?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
