Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
