her vagine was all disorganized.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
