im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you never un-have a 4some
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
