someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
