Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
