You kept calling me your small dog last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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