he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
