I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
