At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
