My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
