Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
