Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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