Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
