So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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