that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
