i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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