Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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