dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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