Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
