Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
