i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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