Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
