i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
