Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize