Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
