Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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