So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
