just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
