I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
