she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
