she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
