isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
