and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
