I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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