i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
