Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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