I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
