My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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