found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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