hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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