love makes seman taste better
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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