people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
