so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just pee around me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
