Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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