dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All the doctor said was why
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
