Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
